This past month, God took me through a time box.
I started re-discovering all of the things I used to love when I was a little girl. I used to love ballet, drawing, making paper dolls, princess/fairytale stories, singing, writing, playing dress up, telling stories, building forts, glitter, stars, the color pink, and He started showing me all of the characters I used to know and love from books and cartoons.
He has started to remind me of how whimsical everything once seemed to me. I used to be so joyful, silly, imaginative, playful, and confident. I didn’t care at all what anyone thought of me. I thought I was pretty, and I hoped that one day, when I was older, I would be pretty just like my Mommy.
I used to put bows in my hair, different colored socks on my feet, and I used to put stickers on everything! I had a sticker book! Where I would collect stickers that made me happy!
And as I look back at those memories, I just see so much light and love in God my Father’s eyes.
He protected me, loved me endlessly, and called me His princess.
I used to sing The Little Mermaid song like I was actually gonna be able to sing it on stage one day. I believed that I could do whatever I wanted and be whoever I wanted to be! I had child like faith through the roof!
And then life happened.
My parent’s got divorced, we moved out of my castle (our house), and everything shrank down.
I took on the burden of making sure that everyone around me stayed happy. I became quiet, still, and ready to please my parents so that I wouldn’t cause them any more pain or suffering than what I saw them going through. I wanted them to stay happy and at peace.
I took on a spirit of people pleasing so that I could become invisible, not be a burden, and hide so that I might not get any blame.
This further down the line really affected me and the way in which I carried myself. I hid myself for so long. I was strong when I needed to be but for the most part I kept myself small. I took this with me into middle school, high school, and college.
Recently, I asked myself and God this question: Who was I before any pain came into my life? Before brokenness entered my family? and who was I when God formed and knitted me in my mother’s womb? ( Psalms 139:13)
Tonight I’m writing to you because the Lord just made me a promise. He said “I am restoring you back to the version that you were always meant to be.”
Ever since I quit my job at the beginning of January and stepped fully into faith while creating this business, I’ve been discovering my creative side again. It’s been bringing me soooooo much life!!!! And I’m remembering the things that I used to love when I was unapologetically ME!
Like from age six and under!
Now suddenly I desire to craft again! Me and my mom used to craft alllll the time. I desire to paint, to film (yes when I was around 9-10 I would record music videos and edit them all myself), to sing, to dance, to read and write, and to have fun with the way I dress!
Me and my best friends started a “Sisterhood of the Traveling Journal” together this past month. I started it off and wow! It opened up that door again to me crafting and cutting up and gluing paper. I made a video shortly after for instagram using paper cutouts of my designs! I had a whole moment with God that brought me to tears because making paper clothes for my paper dolls is what made me want to be a fashion designer in the first place!!!
And now I’m doing it!!!
I feel like a little girl again, looking up at my Father and saying “look! Dad! I did it! I did it! I want to do it again!” and He’s cheering me on!!!! 🥹
What a Father!
Now my next collection is based off of becoming His Bride… but I’m personally learning that part of removing every spot, wrinkle, and blemish (Ephesians 5:27) in order to become His bride, is by receiving healing in our hearts from Him and making the space to return to who He first created us to be!
His child 🤍
So I say all of this to encourage you!
Who were you before the pain? Before the world told you who to be? Who were you before the betrayal? or before the trauma?
I promise His healing is oh so real and you can have it today.
I encourage you to ask God this question in your secret space with Him. Close your eyes and ask Him to reveal and help you remember what you used to love as a child and who you used to be. Ask Him what moment that shifted into survival… And ask Him to heal your heart from that moment. Ask Him where He was in that moment and what He wants to say to you now about it…
And start small. Did you love drawing as a kid? Sign up for an art class! Or pick up a pen and paper! Ask Him to open the door for you to go back to what you loved to do!
Did you love music? Start writing your own songs! Or take a guitar class!
Did you love dancing? Put your favorite song on and don’t think, just move your body!
Did you love going on adventures? Go somewhere you’ve never been before! It could literally be a park you’ve never visited.
It’s time to heal my dear friends. It’s time to step into who He’s called you to be and discover those desires He placed in your heart long ago. Rekindle the passions you had! Who knows how God wants to use them today.❤️
Can’t wait to share my next collection with you!
xoxo,
Holy Girl 💌
1 comment
Such a beautiful post! <3